Good Love Gone Bad

Good love gone bad. That’s what they say. But is it true? I guess it depends on who you ask. I get it. Sex can be a very important part of a relationship. I know that I have had many couples in my office on the verge of ending, because the sex did. But did you know that some studies show while sex can bring you pleasure, only about half men and women, think it’s necessary to have a good relationship?

So first things first. When did the sex stop? Was it in the new stages of your relationship? If yes, you should prepare yourself that this is probably the norm. I said probably. If you have been together for a few years, you’ll need to dig a little deeper. Sex drives will wax and wane over the course of a relationship. It takes two committed people, offering up an open line of communication to find what works for them. You could literally take 10 different couples and ask them what a healthy amount of sex is, and you would probably get 10 different answers. But here’s the thing. If you walk because there is no sex……….

Not all relationships are created equal. They will be different. Some may be sexual. Others may be more about a deeper connection. And yet others, will be a combination of both. Don’t listen to outside advice. Even this article should not influence you to do anything… other than to talk to your partner. I have known more than a few couples {over the course of my 35 years in mental health}, that do not have sex anymore, because one has taken ill for example. And if you walk at that point, it was never love. It was lust. Despite being a shitty thing to do, you’ll need to realize that you are operating on a surface level. And make no apologies for that, if that was the understanding when you first got together. But don’t all of a sudden walk, when your partner can’t {for physical reasons}, and say that you loved them. You did not. You loved the idea of them. Not the whole of them.

Maybe this is about expectations. The age old argument that men and women want different things. Some would argue that we are conditioned. I have heard many times that porn {for example}, is the root problem for causing men to have unrealistic expectations. Possibly. But then the flip side of that coin is that rom-coms {romantic comedies} set unrealistic expectations for women. Oh no, shit just got real. I happen to believe that to some degree. The point is, that good love doesn’t go bad. It doesn’t matter what you watch. It doesn’t matter who you talk to. It doesn’t matter what your friends are doing. If you love someone, talk to them. It requires patience. It may require professional help.

Because when the sex ship does not sail, and is anchored, diving into a different pond, only proves that you were never really committed to the ship or the journey.