Go Deeper

Just because you lay together, doesn’t mean you’re going to stay together. I wrote a piece about this a week or two ago. Since then, quite a few people have asked me to expand on this subject.

 I think people confuse sex with intimacy. Then they confuse intimacy with love. Don’t get me wrong, they all feel amazing. But with sex, that cannot be the foundation of your relationship. Sure, it can be {and for many of us it is} when we first start seeing each other. But then something shifts. We hopefully move into a more intimate setting. Hearing each other and genuinely like each others company. How do you know when that happens? You know because despite living with each other for example, there is no other person you would rather be spending time with. This doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. It means your partner is your first choice.

Where does love factor into a relationship? Here’s the thing. I’m an old hippie and tell most everybody I love them. But because I married a strong woman, who sees my actions backing up our intimate relationship, there has never been a problem. For love is allowing the other person to be exactly who they are. Love is about cheering for each other. Not ownership. Not I love you because you love me. It’s I love you and I love to see you happy. 

You won’t stay for the lay. Yes sex is great. But you’re going to have to go deeper to keep her…or him. Because the physical is the first step. We may connect with many people over our lives on a physical level. But the long lasting relationships endure, because they are stimulated in ways that far exceed touch. 

If you want the real deal, remember just because you lay together, doesn’t mean you’re going to stay together. Touch each other in non physical ways.