Post Pandemic Relationship

Alright, alright, alright…lets get into it. While the pandemic is again on the rise here in the states, I wanted to take a minute to reflect on post pandemic relationships. As it appears we will likely go into a lock down again in the coming months, lets talk about what we learned about our partners, and ourselves over the past 18 months. Lets go…

The past 18 months have been the busiest time in my professional life. I kid you not, I was working about 18 hours a day Monday thru Thursday, and add another 15 hours Friday thru Sunday. The big take away for me was two fold. First, many personal relationships were not as strong as we might have thought. Secondly, many of us had a hard time dealing with the isolation. When I take a step back, the only answer I could come up with, is that many have not been honest with themselves. Sure, there are days when we look and feel our best and think we can take on the world. That’s not what I am talking about. I am talking about the story that we tell to ourselves and our partners every day. And for so many, they did not line up. 

What I found surprising is that many that appeared to be confident in real life, folded a few months into the pandemic. Attitudes changed, optimism deteriorated and high risk behaviors kicked in. I get it, even Nietzsche said, “The strongest have their moments of fatigue.” It’s not about pointing fingers. I think this is a teachable moment. I myself have always been a big fan of self evaluation. And if I am totally honest, most weeks I crush it. A warriors mentality. A compassionate man. I’ve grown into something that I am really proud of. Now hold the phone professor…I said most. Some weeks {palm to the face}, it ain’t pretty. It doesn’t mean I stopped trying. What it does mean is that I know I can do a lot better. I forgive myself and course correct. But here’s the problem. I am seeing far too many of you, not forgiving yourself over what happened during the pandemic. Stop that shit. 

What we went through {I don’t care if you believe in it or not}, we all were affected. Some of you gained 30 pounds, while others started drinking daily. Some got addicted to porn. And some, well they cheated on their spouse. A lot us us were looking for distraction. Halfway through the pandemic, it became considerably noticeable that many were lost, hurting and depressed. Hence, the huge uptick in new clients. So let me make my point.

You made mistakes. Some of them will change your life forever. But here is the thing. Nowhere is it written that it has to change your life for the bad. Take the lesson, not the loss. Those 30 pounds. Lose a half a pound a week for a year {very doable}, and you’re back at the starting line. The daily drinking and porn, have an honest conversation with yourself about your consumption. Has it become a problem? If you don’t trust yourself to answer that, ask your inner circle if they have noticed changes. If they have, a little professional help might be in order. And for that infidelity? You’ll need to explore what is missing that caused you to look outside. This is a chance to make amends. Or at the very least, address the deficiencies that led you to stray.

We won’t know the full brunt of the pandemic for years to come. But what we can do now, is forgive ourselves. Take responsibility, but be forgiving. And while we’re at it, let’s forgive those who may have hurt us during this time as well. I would be lying to you if I said that I did not fully enjoy the pandemics isolation. Spending most of my entire life meditating, I prefer the quiet. Blessed to have a spouse of 20 years that does too. But many of us are not built for isolation. And that was a lot of collateral damage. I only bring it up now, because it looks as though we may go through round 2. 

So make adjustments. Strengthen your circle. Get some new {therapeutic} tools for your toolbox. Should we go into lockdown again, let us not make the same mistakes. May we know, that we can grow in any environment. You know all those positive memes you post on social media? May your life reflect and feel that positivity.