The Lone Tango

She’s out with her friends, he’s at the bar. She’s on the phone, he’s watching Sports Center. She wants to go to dinner, he wants to go to a game. She’s watching TikTok, he’s watching porn. She wants to dance, he wants to chill. Well there you have it. The lone tango. Out of the gate, many relationships are formed by looks. But 6 months down the road, it’s a tango for one. 

I once heard that you don’t marry the one you want to spend Friday night with. You marry the one you want to spend all day Saturday with. Boom! Looks get you through the door. Building a friendship keeps you there. And I have found that to be true. In the 35 years working in mental health, it has always been the couples that play together, that end up staying together. Don’t get me wrong. For me, after being with my wife for almost 20 years, I think she is still stunning. But, there are lots of stunning women out there. I married her because she is the most fascinating person I know. Easy on the eyes, great conversationalist and a playful spirit. If that doesn’t keep you engaged, I don’t know what would.

Life moves fast. And there are thousands of ways to get distracted. Pick a partner that is your distraction. It is the key to longevity. Not only in life, but in a relationship. Because we’re all going to need to be anchored to someone, at some point in our lives. Make sure that anchor is a safe harbor. Calm waters and a beacon of light. 

I believe it is very important to be an individual in a relationship. That you maintain your identify…but not to the point where you dance alone. We all hear the music that resides in our own heads. And that’s a beautiful thing. But the real magic is when your music equally excites your partner as well. Because the dance floor is big enough for the both of you. And if you’re too busy listening to your own music and finding your own distractions, you’ll be left to tango alone.